horncrown: (ʏᴏᴜ ᴄʀᴀᴡʟ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɴᴇᴀᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇ)
Maul ([personal profile] horncrown) wrote 2023-09-14 03:05 pm (UTC)

[ Pardon him while he has a silent crisis. He thinks over a number of things and flies through various emotions. Anger, of course. The repeating actions certainly struck a chord with him. Grief, pain. Again, Maul concludes that while his hatred for Sidious has grown over the years there was a truth to what the man had said long ago. He does not want to let go of things but he does want to stop repeating the actions which have not served him. Choose a different path toward resolution.

Needless to say, he has a few thoughts on the whole Kenobi thing, given its Kenobi, but in some miraculous turn of events the Zabrak kept them to himself. Snide comments and all. Those could come at another time. The silence continued for a long time until he was certain, he was positive of what he wanted to say. Difficult as it might be he was going to say it confidently. ]


I want— to trust you. I do not expect the same.

[ A long pause. ] I do not know how much or in what way; what I want to become or— but I know that how I feel now and the actions I choose rarely serves me in the end. This pain... [ Strained, easy to feel. It was overwhelming. It no longer gave him power. It controlled him instead of allowed him to grow. ] It stopped serving me years ago. I blamed Kenobi for that for many years. [ He... kind of still does but one step at a time. ] The truth is, Ezra. It was always going to be Anakin. If I had not been presumed dead on Naboo my time would have come one way or another.

And I am tired of being in the shadow of a man who had long stopped being my Master. [ That was it, wasn't it? He claimed to no longer be a Sith but he preached what Sidious taught him all the same. Arguably not even true Sith philosophy in many accounts. ] It does nothing for me. I knew it long ago, but then you came along and I thought maybe this time. I can't. There is no this time.

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