[Can you hear Ezra rolling his eyes, Maul? Part of him wants to demand what exactly the Order should be done, what they should have seen, in actual actionable terms.
But he suspects he'd mostly get some weird take on the Jedi that has practically nothing to do with what he's actually been taught.]
Good news - I'm not sworn to a decaying Republic, or even a formal Order. And mindfulness is one of the core things I try to teach.
[ Well, yes. The vast majority of his understanding of things had been twisted by Sidious. Not all of it was lies but as they had already addressed: good manipulation starts with the truth. But really what Maul was doing was biding time. Trying to weigh the various possibilities and outcomes of what might happen if he was honest about the whole what's wrong thing. And so the Zabrak goes silent again. Consider him bored with whatever this conversation was going to become.
It was a resounding five hours later that he spoke again. Very quietly. ] He forgave me.
[His time, he's home, so he steps out on the patio of the apartment and jumps on his own room. He does not want Obi-Wan to just....walk in on him talking to Maul.
He turns that statement over and over a few times. Not Padawan Kenobi - he caught a glimpse of Maul the person, rather than the Sith of his nightmares, yes. That's progress but not forgiveness.]
Master Kenobi? [Please let me him not be so horribly wrong that question backfires, he pleaded with the Force.]
[ Balanced, though. Oddly. He took his time to find some kind of center. Well, as much as he could. He wanted to trust Ezra; he did back then, too. He just. You know. Did what he always did. ] Besides the infuriating notion that even after everything he could still be the better man? [ Heavy sarcasm in those last two words yet it also came with an amused chuckle. ] I wonder if he did it to spite me.
[ He's quiet again. The type of silence that lingered as if he had more to say but couldn't yet. No, Maul knew that wasn't it and perhaps that was the frustrating part. One of many. ]
[ He could only hope that there was a tiny piece of that man who chose forgiveness in part to resist everything that Maul had come to stand for even as he died; and he could die with just a bit of his claw in one of those many wounds that he'd made. Because that's just the person he was. And so, with great tone of entertainment: ] One could hope.
[ And then a moment, and one more moment longer. ] But I asked. I— asked for it, Ezra. It meant something different then, I think. When death was so near. Now its harder to discern.
I see. [He can't be completely certain that Maul's past and his are from identical timelines but...it tracks. He'd felt something like peace from Maul, as he'd passed into the Force.]
[ That was it. That notion. It was easier for him to die than for him to change and something about what Cobb said struck right into this. His words were heated, full of grit, but not unhinged.] It's not about easy. I— [ He sighed. Oh, but it was. Was not his life hard enough? Could he not be spared this once? No. Clearly not. ]
[ That wretched stone the young Kenobi gave him. He couldn't carry it with him. No, he couldn't. Not yet. Though it was near and. Mh. ] You have felt the darkside, haven't you?
[ There was a point to this. Not, surprisingly, to do the whole you should join us blah blah blah thing. Tempting as that was. Maul truly believed that Ezra belonged not as a Jedi but this wasn't where he was going with it. Not right now, at least. ]
[Ezra's not fussed with the question. He knows he's not invulnerable to temptation - doesn't believe anyone truly is - but he sincerely doubts he's going to be simply be talked around to embracing the Darkside. Not at this point.
It would probably have to be some form of desperation he hasn't experienced yet, he thinks.]
Uh, yes. I took advice from that holocron for months. [Bluntly-] I've killed people with what it taught me, using my anger.
Pity to them. [ A bit amused. He's not going to be upset that lives who likely deserved to be ended were ended. Not when so many Jedi did the same but claimed they didn't. Not the point, this wasn't the point. Alright, to the point. ] And when you did, how did that feel, Ezra? [ Surprising amount of honest curiosity in his voice. ] Compared to what you knew before; what you felt before.
[Not telling him anything he hasn't contemplated at least a little before, Maul.
He has to set aside to ask impulse to ask what Maul knows about neurology and trauma - topics Ezra has only waded into the last year or so, but have been enlightening. A lot of it isn't so different from what his masters taught him, if not using the same words. But sometimes different words are helpful.
This is Maul talking time. Quietly, knowing it's understatement, but could words do it justice?]
That would be a lot to sort through. Beyond what I can personally truly fathom.
[ Nothing, he knows nothing. He wouldn't even know what trauma was unless its blunt force trauma. Pain was good, suffering was good, fear was good, anger was good. Useful tools to sharpen your hatred and fuel your desire to win. Things that were supposed to make you impenetrable and they did, for a small while.
The idea of sorting through anything was so novel it earned a scoff. Yet he doesn't know how to reply... that someone was admitting they didn't know, they couldn't even comprehend it. And many different things came to the tip of his tongue only to stay there. But he couldn't say any of them. They were weak.
Finally: ] Well, don't worry on my account. I'll be fine.
[It's a good thing this is voice only, really, because that means Maul can't see Ezra wrestling with trying not burst out laughing at the absurdity of those two sentences.]
Hmmm, one: I'm a chronic worrier. A flaw of mine I should probably work on at some point.
[ Oop. Alarms ringing. He's been called out on his BS. In comes the armor. ] One of several fatal flaws, to be sure. I do not need to define anything for you, Jedi.
No. It's a suggestion based on fairly simply logical, Maul. You talked about things that seemed clear now being harder to discern. I talked about anger clouding everything. You alluded to that being all you knew.
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But he suspects he'd mostly get some weird take on the Jedi that has practically nothing to do with what he's actually been taught.]
Good news - I'm not sworn to a decaying Republic, or even a formal Order. And mindfulness is one of the core things I try to teach.
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It was a resounding five hours later that he spoke again. Very quietly. ] He forgave me.
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He turns that statement over and over a few times. Not Padawan Kenobi - he caught a glimpse of Maul the person, rather than the Sith of his nightmares, yes. That's progress but not forgiveness.]
Master Kenobi? [Please let me him not be so horribly wrong that question backfires, he pleaded with the Force.]
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What does that mean - for you?
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[ He's quiet again. The type of silence that lingered as if he had more to say but couldn't yet. No, Maul knew that wasn't it and perhaps that was the frustrating part. One of many. ]
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[With a touch of humor-] Admittedly, could be a little bit of both. People are rarely just one thing.
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[ And then a moment, and one more moment longer. ] But I asked. I— asked for it, Ezra. It meant something different then, I think. When death was so near. Now its harder to discern.
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Do you regret asking?
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Death feels so final, doesn't it? [Although Jedi don't believe it is completely an end, for good reasons.]
It does make some things easier.
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How about less complicated?
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[ There was a point to this. Not, surprisingly, to do the whole you should join us blah blah blah thing. Tempting as that was. Maul truly believed that Ezra belonged not as a Jedi but this wasn't where he was going with it. Not right now, at least. ]
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It would probably have to be some form of desperation he hasn't experienced yet, he thinks.]
Uh, yes. I took advice from that holocron for months. [Bluntly-] I've killed people with what it taught me, using my anger.
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It digs into you. The anger started to color everything. And if someone called me on it? I got angry at them, too.
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He has to set aside to ask impulse to ask what Maul knows about neurology and trauma - topics Ezra has only waded into the last year or so, but have been enlightening. A lot of it isn't so different from what his masters taught him, if not using the same words. But sometimes different words are helpful.
This is Maul talking time. Quietly, knowing it's understatement, but could words do it justice?]
That would be a lot to sort through. Beyond what I can personally truly fathom.
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The idea of sorting through anything was so novel it earned a scoff. Yet he doesn't know how to reply... that someone was admitting they didn't know, they couldn't even comprehend it. And many different things came to the tip of his tongue only to stay there. But he couldn't say any of them. They were weak.
Finally: ] Well, don't worry on my account. I'll be fine.
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Hmmm, one: I'm a chronic worrier. A flaw of mine I should probably work on at some point.
Two: Wanna take a stab at defining 'fine' for me?
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Alright.
Maybe consider giving thought to your definition, for your own sake?
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Is more clarity something you seek?
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